Body Positivity…

I feel like this is going to be such a long and rambly maybe pointless post, but also feel like I have this heavy weight on my chest that I just can’t shift.

For some reason that I cannot put my finger on, I have felt rather shit about myself lately.

I have been pretty awful to myself, negative thoughts feelings, outfit changes, spending ages doing my makeup to still (in my opinion) look absolutely flipping knackered and shite.

I have found myself scrolling through instagram as we ALL do comparing myself to others, mainly those that are body positive… I envy these people, these people who are just HAPPY with the way they are in every shape, size, way possible, they are just happy. They don’t want to change. I literally look at them and my thoughts are… really? I am in such a funk with myself that I literally find it impossible that anyone could just be happy with themselves which I know is shite and awful.

I have been looking back of pictures of myself as my slimmest and wondering if I will EVER get back to that, I have no idea what I weigh I honestly don’t want to know, but my clothes are snugger and i can see a difference in the mirror, and most importantly I just feel so unhappy with myself, and also knowing that looking a certain way won’t be the answer to all my problems.

It’s not everyday I feel crappy and some days I feel bloody brilliant and thank the lord baby Jesus for my body and my two beautiful girls that grew very happily into gorgeous and absolutely huge baby’s in my tummy, 9lb4 and 10lb4 of gorgeousness to precise, but just some days I feel utter rubbish and I haven’t felt like that for a very very long time.

I think I’m just at a limbo of what I want to do, how I want to eat and live my life does not go with how I look… I love wine and bad food, honestly it makes me happy in the moment BUT it also makes me put on weight which makes me unhappy… and I am finding it SO hard to find a balance.

I am my own biggest critic and I have been running around like a blue arsed fly since Isla was born. I have been none stop and the week before Xmas I was at mental break down point with just EVERTHING. Life is too busy, it’s just all too much and of course I feel a huge amount of pressure with what I eat from myself, but also from Instagram… what started as a food diary became something so much more and posting all my meals was definitely a huge part to my success of losing weight but also now I feel like getting back to that body positive place is such a hard thing and I have no idea how to!

So basically long story short, my aim (not for 2017 but for life) is to stop being so bloody hard on myself and to do more of what makes me happy as a whole, whatever that may be.

I’m absolutely not looking for sympathy or digging for compliments it just makes me feel even more crappy and very awkward. I just wanted to get it all off my chest as I feel like some people think I have my shit together, and I definitely don’t 😂

If anyone has the answers, let me know!

L x

3 Comments

  1. Laura
    December 30, 2016 / 10:34 pm

    It is really refreshing to read your post, and I’m guessing A LOT of women will be feeling like this at the minute! If it makes you feel better, I think this sort of self destructive attitude is quite common in people who were once bigger and have went through the process of losing weight. It’s strange because you go through this insane journey of feeling miserable about your body, doing something about it and then all of a sudden seeing this slim, small person in the mirror and feeling on top of the world. Then after that comes the stage of worrying, constantly checking out your reflection and stressing that you have put on weight and will soon return to the large, overweight person you once were. I lost my weight in 2010 and I still feel this horrible sensation of anxiety and worry about my body. Much more so than my friends who (some are bigger than me now) but have never been as big as I was before. I wish I could give you some advice on how to make it all go away but I don’t really have any haha. I just try to go for a long walk or a swim each time I feel it coming on! Hope you feel better soon and the horrible ‘I used to be fat’ man goes away haha! Best wishes, Laura xx

  2. Jessica Voysey
    December 30, 2016 / 10:36 pm

    Go back and look at your previous blog posts! They inspire me so hopefully they can do the same for you again.. ❤️

  3. December 31, 2016 / 6:31 am

    I could have written this entire post, word for word. My twins are 6 months old and I have a 4 year old. I’m so down on my body, and have no clue what to do. It’s so confusing and I deffo can’t put my finger on it- like you.

    I’m trying just to keep seeing the bigger picture, this is how it is for now and to make smaller steps. Today I am going to concentrate on shower, doing hair, 3 good meals and sitting down where I can. Smaller steps, hopefully leading to bigger ones.

    You are not alone lady xxx

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