5 months.

Seriously where the hell did they go? Literally feel like I’ve blinked and missed it.

5 months ago today… I was so fucking over being pregnant. I was 11 days overdue and so fed up. I had been for my 2nd stretch and sweep two days previous where a midwife basically tried to kill me with her hand… sorry to scare anyone, I have had two before 1 on my due date for Isla and one on my due date with Abbie (my baby’s like being in my belly) and neither of them were anything to write home about but this well it wasn’t nice and the whole time I just thought get a grip your going to be pushing a baby out of there in a matter of days!!!

So yes I was fed up and so so ready to have a baby. Little did I know I would wake up at 3 in the morning for one of many wee’s of the night and would lose my muscus plug (gross) and my contractions started. Very mildly period pains and I was so so happy and excited I got back in bed and lay there smiling for a couple of hours 😂

It got to 5am and I woke Kieran to tell him, they had got stronger and more contraction like at this point but were still around 15 minutes apart. His reaction? He went to work. He was on major deadlines with two jobs and had to go and get things sorted it was shit timing to say the least but off he went. I went downstairs and sat on my ball watching good morning Britain!

When it got to 7.30 ish they were about 10 minutes apart and Abbie had woken up, so I phoned Kieran and said to make his way home but he was over the other side of London and tried to phone my parents (they didn’t answer at first so I was panicking now)! I was hobbling around trying to make marmite on toast for Abs and stay calm!!!

I don’t have a lot of memory of the next few hours, I remember getting in the bath and things becoming quite full on quite quickly. I remember being stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital and Kieran complaining that I was hurting his hand when I was squeezing it. I remember getting to the hospital and being told I was only 3cm and begging for an epidural… I had an epidural with Abbie and the thought that I actually had to feel what it felt like to give birth filled me with so much fear!

After a few hours of moaning like a huge cow and my mum cuddling me and rocking me through every contraction (thankyou your the best) the midwife came back to examine me (no dignity by this point I want to tell her to fuck off as she does her job)… and wahey your 8cm you can have gas and air! I was so happy and it was amazing I was high as a kite… she checked the baby’s heart rate straight after and at this point My waters exploded. Then about 10 minutes later Isla was here. All 10lb4 of her screaming her head off.

She was ginormous and so so loud. And I couldn’t of loved her anymore if I tried.

The last 5 months have been the hardest of my entire life. I have cried more than I like to admit. I feel so much guilt for the days that I’ve hated every second of the days I will never get back and know one day I would do anything to have those days back even if they were hard and shit… they are only baby’s once. We have had a testing time with hating breast feeding, mastitis, to and frow from the Drs trying to sort out her milk! And now we are sorted and she is teething 😂 she does keep us on our toes.

But equally the last 5 months have been the best of my life. I couldn’t ask for Abbie to be a better sister or a bigger help to me… she is utterly amazing (most days, some days she’s utterly shit) but generally we are doing ok.

I just CANT believe she is 5 months tomorrow it hurts my heart so so so much! But as she gets older it’s just getting better and better! We have so much to look forward to this year and memories to make ❤

I’m defo not having anymore kids though.

Well for at least 5 years anyway.


L x


  1. Ellie Ferguson
    January 29, 2017 / 10:13 pm

    I absolutely loved reading this and can totally relate to you! Some days you just wanna give the world a middle finger and jump on a plane to the Maldives 😂. please keep the posts coming they are absolutely fab!

  2. hoppy1274
    January 29, 2017 / 10:26 pm

    Oh Lil, your a braver person than me. Your a credit to you and you should be so proud of you, the girls and the relationship you all have. Abs is hilarious and you can see from the glimpse we get how much she loves and adores Isla. If ever you feel shit, just look at the last picture on the blog post and see how beautiful and happy your precious little girls are… 💕💕

  3. Jacqueline
    January 29, 2017 / 11:09 pm

    Ah Lil I have an 8wk old and had the same problems with BF and mastitis you feel like such a crap mum cause all everyone says is it’s perfectly natural… Well it’s really fxxking not. Your doing such a wonderful job (and it is a job too one you don’t get paid for)
    I have a daughter turning 10 and a son turning 7 and I definitely recommend a lovely big age gap. I don’t know I feel totally different with this baby more at peace almost. Like a first time mum again only you know what you’re doing. Like you I wasn’t having anymore and I was great with that then all of a sudden changed my mind last year and before I could change it back I was pregnant and honestly it was my easiest pregnancy.
    Get yourself back enjoy the next few years especially wedding planning. Your going to have to beautiful best friends to watch grow up together… That or they’ll be like my sister and I and fight until they’re 20 and then become best friends xxxx thank you for your wonderful birth story x

  4. Amy Leech
    January 30, 2017 / 1:56 am

    Hey, wow loved reading this…really can relate. I have a soon to be 7 year old (going on 18) and a nearly 5 month on the 1st Feb too! Some days I think how the f@@k do I do this and some days I’m like this is a breeze. I then think to myself at the end of the day, if it’s a bad un…I’ve done it I’ve got through the day without completely loosing my shit….when it’s hard it’s bloody hard but us Mummies keep going! Your doing a fab job! I totally get you with the docs. My boy has only just been given a dairy free milk he has suffered so badly with eczema since around 1 month old. Im hoping it’s going to help him lots. Anyway keep up the amazing job! Love Abbie she really is so funny…”tell your phone” xxx

  5. Lucy
    January 30, 2017 / 8:37 am

    Omg I can so relate to this! I have two daughters Isla (aged 2) & Rosa (3 months) some days I cry too it is hard spreading your attention between two kiddies when they both need you! I to sometimes wish the days away then feel guilty think it’s just mummyhood problems we all get! We just have to remember we are doing a fab job even though it’s the hardest job!! Xx

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