Trying To Find Balance… Still!

Let’s start at the very beginning…

I will go over a brief outline of my weight gain, weightloss and ‘journey’ up until this very point. I say brief but I’m not good a brief so bare with me.

I started Slimming World on the 1st February 2014 at 16 stone on the dot. Here are the first photos I took! I can’t stress how much it has helped me taking photos and having these to look back on.

I have always been overweight my whole adult life but NEVER knew what I weighed. There weren’t scales at my parents and I just never ever weighed myself and I honestly had no interest in it. I generally fluctuated between a size 14-18 from the age of probably around 14/15 and that was all I knew.

I remember clearly every single new year thinking to myself in my head this will be the year I get slim, but it just never happened and I started every new year bigger than the last.

I never felt overly unhappy or rubbish about myself. I used to get ready the quickest out of all my mates on a night out and generally always felt quite confident (although that might of been front that came with drinking lots of WKD).

The only time I ever felt rubbish about myself was clothes shopping. It used to get me down in the changing rooms trying to wedge myself into stuff that would never suit me, having to call my Mum in to help me unwedge myself. I don’t have clear memories but I think there were tears sometimes. I feel very fortunate to have my Mum who ALWAYS told me how beautiful I was and never ever pushed me to lose weight, she is also very happy and comfortable in her own skin and couldn’t be a better role model when it comes to loving yourself and body image #mumgoals (thanks Mum).

Once Kieran and I got together in 2011, I lost quite a bit of weight, we were out a lot and I wasn’t being healthy or looking after myself in the slightest!

After the Honeymoon period, we started spending ย less time going out and more time staying in and lots of eating. I was eating the same food and the same amount as him (bare in mind he is a 6ft7 man) and I was soon piling it on.

Then in October 2012 I found out I was pregnant. I had a good pregnancy but the unhealthy eating continued. As a Chef I was on my feet all day and by the time I was around 5/6 months I could barely walk for Sciatica and SPD. I was so big and my body was suffering. Kieran would drive me to work every morning so I didn’t have to get the tube and walk, then I would sit in the office all day it was horrible!

After having Abbie, I have no idea what I weighed but I felt good, I felt a lot smaller ofcourse and felt so proud of what my body had achieved. During maternity leave, we were saving for our first home, I had no mum friends and had drifted from my friends as I wasn’t going out partying anymore… and ofcourse missing work and the social side of being at work. I would spend my days sat on the sofa, I’d walk to the shops and buy chocolate, crisps and rubbish and just sit all day with Abs and basically eat to make myself feel better.

By the January 2014 I was the biggest I had ever been, I was trying to get out walking with the pram as much as possible as I enjoyed it so much but obviously this made no difference. Then one day I was on Instagram and came across a #transformationtuesday photo. Obviously the first thing I did was have a little insta stalk and I was so surprised to see the food this person was eating. I saw she was following Slimming World and was shocked, the only thing I knew and thought about Slimming clubs was the ‘dust anybody!?’ skit from Little Britain! So that was that. I was joining and I was going to lose weight.

At first I remember Kieran and my Parents being like ‘Slimming World!?’ and being sceptical especially when they saw the food I was eating but they were all supportive when they saw how positive I was about it and sure enough the lbs started dropping off.

I never reached target, mainly because I set it too low (10st7) but I hit 10st9 around June 2015 and fluctuated a few lbs around this up until I fell pregnant with Isla in December.

I continued to go to group until about halfway through my pregnancy but then my consultant left. It just wasn’t the same without her as she was amazing and such a huge support, so I carried on doing what I was doing from home. I probably stuck to Slimming World about 60-70% of the time through my pregnancy, I bought some scales and kept an eye on my weight but not too regularly! I think I was around 13stone at the end of my pregnancy.

After I had Isla I pretty much carried on the same eating Slimming World meals and sticking to it the best I could which was about the same as when I was pregnant. I weighed myself after a few weeks post partum mand I think I was around 11st9. I continued to eat well when I could and started exercising at around 8/9 weeks post partum. I got a personal trainer and attended a class once a week and tried to get in atleast 1 more work out at home.

I have seen a huge difference in my shape from exercise but still find it very hard to motivate myself and fit it into my days! In terms of tone I am probably in the best shape I’ve ever been so you think that would be enough to motivate me but I just hate exercise… I love the feeling after it’s just the actual DOING it! I’m hopeful one day that will change!

I have tried a few different things in the last couple of months, calorie counting, intermittent fasting but I just can’t stick to them. The MOST important thing to me is doing something that I am going to be able to do for the rest of my life. No quick fixes, no crash diets, something that is maintainable and means I can still have my weekends, meals out, bit of chocolate at the end of the day, hungover Dominoes etc etc. This is all stuff that makes my life better because it makes me happy. It may not be the best thing HEALTH wise but it’s all about the moderation.

I’ve had days and weeks where I just can’t be arsed to cook healthy, eat healthy, think about food… I spend a lot of time thinking about what I’m eating and being sensible because generally I feel better for doing so but sometimes I’m like sod this I need a break and aslong as I draw the line then that’s fine.

I think the thing that is the hardest to manage personally is the guilt. I had a huge binge over Easter and felt so bad about it, it massively affected my mood and I was so tough on myself. On reflection now I see how silly that was and how unhealthy it was for my mind!

I know there are others trying to find the balance and unfortunately I don’t have the answers, I think it’s a very personal thing finding your happy/healthy place… I’m not quite there, I would love to lose a few lbs, I would love to be fitter but I also love my wine and my weekends and I’m trying to work more on loving myself just the way I am now without wanting to change a thing!

So yes that was me keeping it breif!! If you got to the end of this then well done and if I’ve helped/inspired/motivated even one person through this then it was well worth me putting this all out there! Also lots of picture in my pants but writing this post has made me feel quite proud, I never ever thought I’d be this comfortable in my own skin.

Also just to add as people always ask when it comes to stating your weight! I’m 5ft7! ๐Ÿ™‚

And if anyone has cracked finding the balance… please do share!

L x


  1. April 27, 2017 / 7:52 pm

    A lovely, honest post. I started slimming world 9 weeks ago to lose my pregnancy weight and am 11lbs down so far. Hopefully I can be as successful as you’ve been! I follow you on Instagram and love your food pictures, they always look so yummy!

  2. Carrie Fawcett
    April 27, 2017 / 7:55 pm

    You have done amazing I follow you on insta and love your ups and downs, you look fabulous to me so a big well done to you xx

  3. Caron marley
    April 27, 2017 / 8:49 pm

    Great read!! Im trying to lose my baby weight (2nd child) and until now haven’t shifted a pound!! Ive been back and forth with shakes, intermittent fasting etc looking for a quick-ish fix so thats probably where ive gone wrong. Two weeks ago i started exercising again and have joined slimming world. I find slimming world quite hard for me to eat small portions especially when everything i like is free or speed food. Any tips would be more than welcome ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks for all the amazing recipes btw xx

    • April 27, 2017 / 10:05 pm

      I never restricted myself with Slimming World I always had big portions but made sure I had 1/3 speed food with as many meals as I could! Try not to restrict yourself just eat what you want and see how it goes! Wishing you lots of luck with it all and your so welcome xx

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