I’m having one of those days where Insta is just making me feel a bit shit.
It’s something I always feel like I want to talk about but equally holdback on for fear seeming like an ungrateful cow.
There are quite a few people ‘following’ me now and it’s always something that just makes me cringe inside and probably on the outside too when people talk to me about it like it’s something special.
I never set out to become a blogger or have lots of followers or any of it… it was an online food diary, that played a large part in helping me lose a lot of weight, that evolved into somewhere for me to have an outlet about parenting, share the highs and lows of my life and on days like today if I have something I feel like I want to talk about, it just makes me feel better to write it all down.
It can be so consuming and the first time I was offered money to post something on Instagram it completely changed my outlook on it very instantly, I also learnt a few lessons very quickly about myself and who I am and also what I want to put on my Instagram… I learnt very quickly if it doesn’t ‘feel’ right… don’t fucking do it.
Let’s talk about that first time… I was approached by a ‘weightloss tea’ company… it was about 9 weeks after I had Isla and they wanted to pay me $120 for three Instagram posts and send me some free tea. Amazing I thought at first being on Mat leave and skint… I said yes but instantly regretted it, it just didn’t feel right.
Fast forward to the tea arriving… along with a lengthy email about me having to take selfies with the tea in sportswear, with the tea ripped open and I quote ‘look excited’… the first selfie of my face, the second a full length one and the third a comparison photo of before tea vs 4 weeks later… well I died inside, they had also already paid me (and I’d already spent it) but I thought there is absolutely no fucking way I can do this. So I didn’t and paid them back, and I’m so so glad I followed my gut instinct with that one, I feel like it would of forever bugged me for doing it and equally it would of given me the shits (literally) we know how these teas work by now surely!?
Now I just want to say I have not written this post to show off and I am really really hoping it doesn’t come across that way, I’ve written this to be honest and again as somewhere for me to just vent… Instagram can be so consuming and I would be lying if I said I don’t get caught up in it sometimes, how it can leave me feeling a bit flat and empty, how it can cause me to be anxious or in a bad mood… and I now have to really try to just make time for it then walk away from it because ultimately it isn’t my real life and it’s easy to lose sight on what’s really important when you become wrapped up in what I call the ‘parrallel universe’ that is Instagram.
Saying all of that ofcourse is does have so many positives, I have made real life actual friends that I speak to most days and I know will be life long friends, it’s great company and support… I have had SO MUCH support over the last 3 and a half years from weight loss, friendship, parenting, life in general, interior advice… the list is endless. I have also been super lucky to work with brands I actually love to bits and get some nice things. But on the downside it can make you feel a bit shit when you don’t get invited to events and you see lots of others there or see people doing campaigns you would of loved to be involved in… now I realise how this sounds and I do know how fortunate I am but I’m just trying to explain the best I can and be as real as I can here… we all play that comparison game in life and with so many people out there on the world wild web it’s very easy to not feel ‘good enough’.
I try and often just take a step back and remind myself ultimately why I ‘instagram’… I love sharing my food and recipes, I love inspiring people to be happier in their own skin, I love the support from fellow Mums and the advice and the laughs that make every single shit day just the bit better. The internet is a very big place and there is room for everyone, I feel like I just need to remind myself of that sometimes and to keep being me and not worry what anyone else is up to.
Now I have written this blog post I do feel a bit better but equally not sure who really gives a toss about any of this stuff!? I just feel like ‘bloggers’ and ‘instagrammers’ don’t really talk about this stuff and it’s something I’ve wanted to get off my chest for a while but haven’t because people don’t talk about it!
It’s not a secret that Instagram is a great place for brands to make money either by sending stuff to people or paying people to advertise, I love supporting small brands but would never post something I didn’t love… or accept anything just for the sake of it… and equally wouldn’t work with a brand and get paid to advertise something I wouldn’t use… it just wouldn’t sit right with me and I’m such an overthinker I would be worrying about it too much it’s just not worth the hassle.
I just want to say now that comments and messages don’t go unnoticed and it annoys me that I don’t have the time to reply to everyone, I do try and always respond to questions… if I had time to comment back to everything I would but I need more headspace and sometimes the best thing I can do is just put my phone down and focus on what’s right infront of me (which is usually my kids, washing up or laundry).
Anyway right now I’m going to do just that, put my phone down and stop letting it get into my head too much. I’m here for fun and just to be me, post what I want to post and stop bloody overthinking.