There was a time not very long ago at all, that I would roll my eyes at the term Blogger.
Not so much other people, but myself.
Like it wasn’t an actual thing that I could be or even dare say that I was.
On stories yesterday, I spoke about the fact that I now have management. Even saying that makes me feel funny and thats mainly because I don’t want others to think ‘Oh who does she think she is?’
I have been on Instagram for 4 and a half years and in that time my Instagram has grown and changed, I used to feel guilty about this and the fact that it started out as a ‘weight loss Instagram’ but lets be honest, in life we grow and change too and when I was pregnant with Isla, sharing my pregnancy and those early days of being a Mum to two, well it pretty much saved me.
Then theres the other side to it. I started making money, to be completely frank. I realised that putting a bit more thought and effort into my content could potentially make me a living. So I started doing that too and to be honest, it’s going really well, better than I could of ever imagined.
But why can’t I say that without feeling bad? I constantly feel like I have to justify myself to everyone, partly because I give too much of a shit what people think sometimes and partly because it’s really hard to talk about working with brands, having management, creating content for Instagram and my Blog and calling it work without sounding like a dick. Without sounding like its all gone to my head, which believe me it hasn’t.
But sometimes it is exactly that, it’s work and I literally have to pinch myself when certain brands want to work with me… and I think it is important for me to continue caring what people think (to a certain extent) because again, without sounding like a dick, I wouldn’t have these opportunity’s if I didn’t have you lovely lot engaging and interacting with me.
Then that brings me to feeling unworthy. I often say that I don’t know how this happened, I don’t know how I ended up here, getting to do some amazing things and work on things that I genuinely love… like I don’t deserve it. I don’t know if thats just me? I know I have terrible ‘imposter syndrome’ which I just googled and I’ll pop it here…
Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.
This is me all over, and it genuinely needs to stop.
I need to start feeling proud and just enjoying it for what it is, because who knows how long it will last. The fact that I can do this around my ‘day job’, school runs, nap times, bed times well its bloody perfect and I know that I am very lucky to have that.
Having management for me doesn’t mean that I now think I’m a celebrity just for the record. I will explain a little about what it means, Lauren basically talks to brands for me, she does the back and forward emailing which can take a lot of time, negotiating a fee for any paid content, finding out what content they want, when they want it for and if its actually something I am happy to do. I have never felt so ‘myself’ with anyone so quickly which is so important to me because I don’t feel like I have to say yes to anything if it doesn’t feel right. Then I send her my content, which she then sends for approval… (which is usually how it works if there is money involved for anyone who is interested)… then she will let me know when/if its approved, then I post it and she takes care of the invoicing too. So basically she is giving me the huge and very much needed gift of more time on my hands, and that is basically it.
I felt so pathetic after chatting on my stories about it and was like why on earth do I feel the need to justify myself so much? I need to just keep on doing what I’m doing, following my gut instinct and more than anything stop caring too much what people think. As long as I’m happy and feel good about something that should be the bottom line, especially if its benefiting my family and not just financially but more importantly, a little more time and a little less stressed for them.
So yeah, that is that, nothing is going to change here, I will continue to only work on things that I genuinely love…(I have linked an old blog post here about doing #ads)… I will start having a bit more self belief and also let myself enjoy it more and focus on the future on some ideas that I have that I’m really excited about and I’m not keeping them to myself to be a dick and all mysterious… I just don’t want anyone to steal my idea 😂!